how to love your man / woman, your husband / wife, your partner?

especially when you have been together for long while

and a lot of things might have happened since the time when you fell madly in love with this person

 

you might not believe me, but your wo/man is not your problem, not your opponent, not your enemy! ;-)

he / she is your partner, supporter, friend, companion, intimate, confidant, lover, shiva/shakti (sexual creative force), representing god/goddess in person

she / he is also your mirror, your trigger, your kali (ego death), also your complementary part

 

consider that every time you meet him/her

 

how to love her / him?

 

forget the romance kind of thing

no need to be nostalgic for the falling-in-love times

that has most probably been a mix of many things all together

 

i guess it’s a clever trick of the soul to get us together with someone that fits us for this time period

a way to get us into the appropriate classroom :-)

 

once we are in, the curriculum is simply: to learn to love

this is the ultimate and only curriculum at the end

 

so, you ask – how to love him/her?

love despite all the differences of character, opinion, cultural bias, personal imperfections and so on?

despite the years of bad habits that maybe sneaked in over time

 

my understanding is, that love is a feeling and an act

about the feeling – you can not do so much about it

you can not produce it, you should not fake it

if it is there somewhere in your heart, you can treasure it, remember it, cherish it and wish it to grow

 

if it is not there or not so much, you can always act love

act love long enough and the feeling will come automatically

and it will grow and blossom

 

there are countless moments, endless opportunities every day with your partner where you can choose to be active in love

little gestures of kindness, moments of showing affection, hugging, kissing, touching, stroking the hair, holding the hand

giving a hand, seeing the others need or wish and responding

 

reaching out to heal a situation of misunderstanding

letting go of your need to be right and remain in control

 

giving a little present or a big one

doing something, just because you know your partner likes that

 

giving a shoulder rub when s/he is tense

bringing home some flowers

 

showing her/him that for him/her you can even do things that you don’t really like to do and would probably would never do by yourself

 

did i mention sex?

not really

although sex is a great contribution to a great relationship, it should not be misused as a substitute for intimacy

that would be a dead end street

 

what about appreciation, telling her/him what he/she means to you, contributes to your life in so many ways

what about expressing what you like about her/him

what about little love notes here and there

or deeds that only you know about – but s/he enjoys the fruit of them

 

or many other things … and they are only limited by your phantasy and willingness to do something extra

something beyond the normal

 

i know, there are a thousand rationales and excuses that you could think of so you can stick to the old, dead habits of interacting

but remember – this is the person of your own choice

 

this person right now is the greatest chance you have to experience something like union in your lifetime

he / she is the promise that you might be able to transcend the separation of your little world

s/he is the wrapping of a parcel and inside you will find – love

 

what are you waiting for?

all it needs is a honest wish, a fundamental commitment and some endless determination

 

have a joyful unwrapping