what keeps me going

what keeps me going

is the little puppy dog over there

with his cute little tail wiggling enthusiastically

in anticipation of someone caressing him

lovingly

and the eyes of a child i see somewhere

open and innocent

letting it all in

no resistance

and to feel my fingers gliding over the piano keys

finding new harmonies

so many ways of

real feeling

those are the moments that save me

restoring, recharging my spirit

hope sprouts from there

faith

   ~~~

i will not pray

for transformation anymore!

look what happened

in 2012

a transformation indeed!

three years of Dark Night of the Soul happened

which i had actually asked for (“a profound transformation”)

naively ;  )

not that i wish to complain now

it has been one of the best things in my life so far

complete with a resurrection and new life :  )

awesome journey

painful indeed

but here i am

praying

again

asking the gods

or whoever directs our fate

to do some action

something beyond my scope

something about humanity’s predicament

~~~

what is it that i am doing here, actually?

life for me has come to a point

where action has mostly moved into the inner space

into consciousness

the oneness realm

where the pains and travesties of the wold

are felt as my own

and my own are seen in the world

no way to look away anymore

the observation and comprehension of the world

(and i mean mostly the human world)

has become the most interesting and absorbing activity

and at the same time a new kind of spiritual practice

only by observing in a completely balanced way

connecting but not reacting, empathic yet unaffected

in a quantum experiment the observers are affecting the experiment

yet not determine the outcome

the difference between observing and witnessing

this is a mind boggling experience but but very simple and natural all the same

and if you ask me why i do what i do i will not be able to say

but i will know what i do

i know it as a way to affect the world

without changing a bit

I guess Buddhist High Lamas knew that

when they moved their whole culture out of Tibet

they did not resist The Change

they did not complain

so shall i live my life

  ~~~

The Great Experiment – 2020

(What will it take to unify a fractured world)

so many fault lines

so many divisions

so many disparities

so many differences

almost impossible to imagine

what could unite us

humanity

but then, lets add a threat big enough to our health

a threat small enough to be virtually invisible

a threat disruptive enough

to stop everything

in the ways

we know

this should actually wake us up

don’t you think?

this should actually make us realize

that we can not fight pandemics alone, that we can not survive climate change

only by looking out for ourself and our own

this unprecedented situation should – theoretically – make us realize that coordination and cooperation is a far more effective way to solve a global problem than “every man for himself”, “America First”, “Britain’s Independence”, “”China’s doing it all in secrecy” and the rest of such self-centered attitudes

obviously, it did not wake us up, the shock was not strong enough

the blow too drawn out

what will it need?

a more fatal virus?

bigger fires eating away whole towns?

more severe hurricane seasons?

hotter summers?

more Seasons of Trump?

more Bolsonaros, Erdogans, Orbans, Putins, Xi Jinpings?

I don’t know

I really don’t

but clearly i am more than a little bit worried

   ~~~

politics

I have never been political

or even slightly interested in politics all my life

honestly, the endless self-congratulating and aggrandizing

the bombast, the lying and haggling for more power has always disgusted me

the obviously phony smiles and handshakes still make me want to puke!

And yet, for the last four years or so i have been observing, have been reading and informing myself more and more about the political sphere and about the forces of power that are at play there

power power

power

we have to master that power

use it as a force for good

the good of the whole instead the good of a few

we need to master that

and quick!

   ~~~

year of paradox

2020 was the year of paradox for me

the simultaneous experience of opposites

feelings and states that actually don’t go together

obviously can co-exist inside my soul

a revelation for me, really a kind of enlightenment ;  )

sorrow and worry for the world and wonder and awe about life’s resilience

skepticism and disappointment about our human flaws and follies and deep faith in our potential

deep loneliness and alienation and complete connectedness, almost oneness at the same time

and the feeling that all is well, all is as it shall be

right in the middle of all the craziness of our world

pretty crazy experience indeed

for the mind

blowing it

(who needs this kind of mind anyway ;  )

2021

a happy new year for ya all

hope-fully

hope full