Well … i did not even have to apply for staying longer in Pacha Mama.

This morning, a representative of the inner circle of Pacha Mama took me aside very discretely and asked me to leave the place.
To my shocked surprise.
And with not much of a real explanation they expelled me.

This very nice man that i always liked as a brother did not manage to tell me specifically what was considered my sin(s).
Just that some people are not comfortable with me around, some are even afraid of me! (???)

And it turned out Tyohar, the leader does not like the questions and serious interests in the inner workings of the community that i clearly and publicly expressed from the beginning.

He thinks that i do not fit here.

They gave me 5 hrs to pack and leave the same day.

Also “requested” was that i don’t tell people that i “was asked to leave”.

I should rather go silently or say that i decided to go.

Ufff!
!!#$%ˆ

What to say to that?

Everything i spotted in the first of Tyohar’s public talks – Satsang (company of truth) – and then expressed in a letter to him actually manifested.

– “They” observed me somehow from behind the scene and judged over me in some backroom without even asking me anything, without a dialogue or even giving me a chance to tell my part of the story.

– They seem to believe Pacha Mama is a one-way-street. As Tyohar said repeatedly: “We don’t change, you are here to change”. And in that way deflect any opinion, feedback and such as resistance, as critique , as not ready yet.

They act totally opaque, no transparency that i can see. I have no idea who is “they” or if only Tyohar decides things.
As one member said: This is a one-man-majority-democracy (Osho said this of himself and his communes in the old days)

Well, i could go on into the details, but now i am already back in Samara.
In my tent on the beach, because they did not care that i had no money left at this point.
Pacha Mama is expensive even for work-exchanger

But in many ways the community also deserves all the money they ask for.

It is still a great community:
– if you are a follower of Tyohar
if you are no follower of him but have a lot of money to buy/build your own house on the outskirts of PM.
– if you are there as a guest to participate in one of the really good Sanyas style workshops
– if you are a young, mostly uncritical and somehow spiritually interested seeker
– if you are a person with life experience and open eyes but can shut your mouth or talk politically correct ; D

Ok … obviously i don’t really fall into any of those categories.

And if Tyohar reads my words here i am most probably expelled for life, who knows.

It is not my intention to stir up things or disturb the “peace” there.
I am still really thankful for the good time i had there, for the Spirit & many details of the place.
For the friends i made, people who allowed me to come close.
For the daily silent evening sitting in the Osho hall, together with the whole community.
For the great 10 day silent retreat that i enjoyed a lot.

Muchos Gracias Pacha Mama

It is what it is

we will see what we will see

After all:

I might not have much
but i always have my INTEGRITY

As Bob (Dylan) said it:

“. . . may you always be courageous
stand upright
and be strong
may you stay
forever young . . . ”