2019 – my very personal reflection

Reflecting on this year, the year that is coming to an end pretty soon …

I must confess that it feels really weird, the discrepancy between my own inner peace and tranquility and the increasing chaos, disruption and worsening of conditions that i see in the outer world on literally all levels.

It would be quite easy to retreat onto my favorite secluded beach, into my own private world, enjoying the serenity and inner peace that seems to have become my natural state since a while now.

I have been thinking about it – the beach – from time to time, tempted …

But then there is another part of my Self that finds deep meaning in my work that i have done with people over the many years already …

Purpose in being allowed to witness up close the struggles, confusions, fears, anxieties, dreams, hopes, successes and growth of people …

And beyond that i find a growing understanding and comprehension of us humans, what drives us, the patterns of culture and environment that form us as persons, the spiral of experience and growth that leads people thru stages of development, thru greater and greater inclusivity into higher levels of consciousness.

All this comes – i guess – from me getting older, my life experience integrating with accumulated knowledge, philosophy and metaphysics.

This would probably not be enough, but intuitive insight and knowing that comes in the stillness and emptiness of meditation and contemplation brings it all together into one state of being – i call it wisdom.

I am very happy and thankful to Life (and God : ) that i can embody all of that in this lifetime.

We will see what it will bring ;  )

One thing is obvious … it opened my eyes to the world, it changed my perspective from being rather inward-looking to looking all around and letting it all in.

The whole world.

Using my senses, seeking conversations, using the quality media, using the internet, using all channels of information to know what is going on out there in the world.

Not to have another opinion about all of that – i am able to form clear opinions but i am not really interested in that.

But to witness.

To see it all with as clear eyes as possible.

With as little involvement of personal preferences or aversions.

Hold it all in my consciousness.

Somebody once said: “We humans are the eyes and ears and hands of God”.

I don’t know if this is exactly the case, but i like the expression.

Definitely i see humanity as being the nervous system of Gaia, the being that we call Planet Earth.

We have the ability of processing information, creating meaning and order from chaos and feeding it all back into something that is mysterious and alive – human collective consciousness.

For better or worse we human beings are uniquely equipped with free will to move into one direction or the other – to decide the path & direction that we are taking, as individuals, as nations, as the whole of humanity.

I have just the faintest idea why the creator of it all, God or whatever who started this mystery called Life also started this experiment of free will.

Right now this Great Experiment of a free-willing (and free-wheeling) humanity is starting to look like a big truck driven by a very drunken driver.

We are obviously entering a rather dangerous phase, a phase where ego-driven development, relentless exploitation of resources, ignorance and general insensitivity to everything beyond the ego are wrecking havoc on the climate, the environment, the species, the have-nots and generally destroying the morals and ethics and the brains and psyche of human beings.

The bad news come in so relentless and overwhelming, that people just shut down. Many go into depression or dissociate themselves from reality thru all kinds of ways.

The news-circle is already so short that it is almost impossible to stay up to date or even stay informed in any other than superficial ways.

For many people the quality news of deep journalism has been substituted by Twitter, Facebook or other biased sources of news.

Or people have simply lost interest and rather prefer to act as everything would be just business-as-usual.

Or indulge hedonistic escapism.

It seems a bit like Sodom & Gomorra from the old biblical stories.

Not a nice scene indeed :  )

Why am i smiling anyway? Why am i not horrified?

Thats a very good question and i can not really give a satisfying answer.

Not a logical answer at least.

2019 for me has been the year of my life where i have been – consciously and more than ever before – connecting to world events and the to the obvious unwillingness of humans to be human, just, empathic, inclusive, helping, giving, altruistic, responsible, mature and so on.

2019 has been the year for me when i fully opened myself up to the pain and suffering that is real in our world, individually and collectively.

And also to the suffering of the other kingdoms beyond the human sphere – animal, plant and the earth itself that is getting to the edge of what it can bear…

2019 has also been – and is – the year where i have been diving deep into the meditative state of stillness, empty/fullness at the center of I AM.

It is not possible to find the right words there (sorry, i am not enough of a poet ;  )

But i found that this state of peace is possible to have with my eyes closed, with open eyes, while writing, walking, interacting, sipping espresso and so on and on …

This is the “thing”, the state of consciousness that holds me and allows me to look at the world as it is, without giving in to personal fears or dissociation.

It is also that full emptiness of this state of mind that is infinitely creative and always ready to see options, chances, solutions, attempts to make something good out of any situation.

It always leads me to make steps forward.

Always makes me want to contribute.

It is a mystery to me how well those two sides of my Self can coexist.

Probably i could call this state … Oneness.

May you be blessed with that experience in 2020!

Namaste.